no one wants to win this game

It is 1:48am.

I just got home from work.

I was going to blog ealier Today (or I guess yesterday) but I was really angry at someone....and I wasn't sure if I should have actually been angry or not...and I didn't want to jump to conclusions and say things I didn't mean....if any of that makes any sense.

The thing is, I probably didn't handle a situation in the best way, and I hurt someone's feelings...after they had hurt mine.

I don't think any of it was intentional, but yesterday was just extremely painful, and I took the words to heart...

Basically it was someone telling me that even though it is hard right now, I should be thankful that I had friends and family to spend holidays and birthdays with...because basically they didn't...

Which sucks.

It does suck...and I'm not 100 percent heartless...I do feel bad for this person...but they just got to me at the wrong time and presented their words in the wrong manner...

Of course I am thankful for my family. But Elijah was apart of that family and I am going to miss him forever...no matter how many people surround me.

And no, I am not the center of the universe...I know other people hurt...that is why I haven't given up on kindness...but I am also human and I have emotions that I have to work through, and not all of them are pretty.

I am trying my best not to force them on anyone. I blog for me, and for Elijah...the added readers are kind of like a bonus.

Right now I have to focus on me...and my healing. I have lost a piece of me.

Visiting my family took a lot of work and time.

Idk I wanted to come back with something hurtful, something snarky...and that is why I waited so long to blog....because no matter what I said it would have been wrong.

Honestly lots of things suck for lots of people right now...I just happened to miss a little boy named Elijah who used to be my son...and that is my story. It is not yours...it will never be yours...and your story will never be mine.

Please don't feel like you have to compete with me on who is more miserable right now...I don't think that is a game that anybody needs to win at.

Oh sweet Elijah...

I would give anything to hold you again.

You are so so sweet.

I miss you so much.

Send your love everyday 

And I will do my best to send mine in return.