Father's Day

It is 9:50pm.

We are back in Orlando.

It was a 6 hour drive that turned into 8, thanks to my habit to stop for the bathroom every 5 miles or so...(guess I better cut that out if we make it on The Amazing Race).

Today is Father's Day.

Today also marks one year since the passing of my Grandfather...

Today has been quite awkward and emotional.

Today we just drove...and now we are here.

Here with our children who are being horrible...and probably didn't even tell their dad Happy Father's Day, but that is mostly my fault.

I didn't want to make a big production, because I didn't really want it all to weigh too heavily on Levi's shoulders...

But here is the thing, I am so extremely thankful for my children's father.

I don't think I can even put into words how much I have relied on Levi since Elijah's passing, and  how ashamed of how little I have told him that I am so proud of how he has handled everything since then.

This is hard stuff folks...

We have been through a lot of crap together... A LOT...

But to lose your child together is something that breaks a lot of people. I was warned this by the police officers moments after Elijah had passed.

They told me that he would need me...but they never told me how much I would need him.

To see Levi take all of this and fight through it daily, go to the gym for hours on end to train to fight for Elijah, and still playing dad and husband to me and my children makes me very proud.

We push through the hard days together, and while we don't always agree on everything in our parenting adventures, I never have for one second doubted that he loves our children.

So, there is my mushy--but honest--blog to my husband Levi on Father's Day. It is still no Hallmark Card, but hopefully he gets the point and knows I love him very much ;)

Happy father's day to all the fathers our there, and big hugs to all of you celebrating father's day without your fathers.

(P.S. My dad has been particularly amazing as well...jusy fyi. He is the best T-Paw Paw ever and I have not forgotten him! I am proud of you too dad and I love you very much. Thank you for everything.)

Hi sweet boy.

You are so loved and so very lucky to have such a wonderful dad.

And he misses you more than you will ever know.

He is so strong, even on the days when he is not.

He is going to fight for you, and you are in everything he does.

We love and miss you very much. 

Goodnight my boogie.