Anxious

It is 9:38pm.

Today we spent the day with Levi's mom on the lake.

It was a nice day but I was very anxious with the kids being in the water...

My mind would jump to the worst imaginable circumstances and I would have to calm myself down and reassure myself that they were ok.

Easier said than done.

Even before losing Elijah I was always paranoid about losing one of them...and now the fear is almost paralyzing...

But I fight through it for them.

I don't want them to life full of fear.

I want them to be adventurous and love their lives.

I wish I could do the same.

Anyways...

In a few days we will be holding a yard sale at my dad's house to help pay rent for our art therapy studio...and I am exhausted just thinking about it.

But it needs to be done...I guess.

Something has to be done.

Or I need to win the lottery. Lol.

Just trying to stay positive and keep pushing forward...

Please keep praying.

I promise I am trying to stay positive, but it is difficult sometimes...

And always always Pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you.

Hi sweet boy.

I felt you today while we were on the boat.

I wish I could hear you babble at me and point things out.

I wish I could see you get excited about a boat ride.

I wish so many things.

I just miss you so much.

I love you my boogie.

<3