I am sitting on the couch at Granny's with Suzie the dog and Levi is sitting next to us.
This week is going so fast.
Today was a little better.
I didn't have any crazy nightmares last night and I was awkaken this morning with some great news for the boys little shop.
By noon today they had sold 89 rocks total!
It was a tiny miracle and we are so very helpful for the hope it brought us today.
I also talked to my parents today and they found a doctor for me to visit about my ptsd before we leave to go back to Florida.
I am honestly terrified about the appointment...but at this point...I really don't know what else to do.
And I am still freaking out about money, so maybe it will help me get on temporary disability benefits until I can get some sort of other income.
But today was better...and I think that should be noted.
The best part of my day (aside from seeing the boys excited over their rock sales), was the time this evening I spent playing with Julien and Gabriel in the grass outside.
We played superman, pointed out the moon, and were just plain silly.
I am so sad that one day they are going to grow out of wanting to play with me like this...
Sometimes I literally grieve their childhood ending before it actually does because when it ends and Elijah isn't there to follow along, it is going to be so hauntingly quiet and hard.
I am just trying my best to hang in there and fight through it though so I can enjoy these moments...Becasue they are so amazing.
Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster.
Just keep praying hard for us all...Because we need it. And always pray for my Elijah.
I miss him so much.
Hi my sweet boy.
The day will come when your brothers grow older and it will get quiet...
And I am so afraid of how quiet it will be.
I know I shouldn't think ahead.
I am supposed to take this one moment at a time, but it is so hard.
I miss you and everything you were supposed to be.
I miss us.
I love you.
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