Tomorrow

It is 10:45pm.

Tomorrow is almost here, and I just want to skip it.

We still haven't figured out what we want to do tomorrow. Or, I guess what we can actually do...

I know what I would do if I could. I would hop in my car and drive us to The Grand Canyon (even thought I would never make it before the end of tomorrow).

I kind of have also thought about going to the beach, even though I would love to be in the mountains.

I just have this need to be around something that is so much bigger than me right now.

I also have a longing to be in nature and away from the more trivial things in life.

I just feel like I am grasping at everything because I can't find him here and it makes me go crazy.

I need a moment to be still and away from everything.

I just miss him so much.

I have a million things I feel like I should be feeling or saying, but honestly right now I am just numb.

But, if you would tomorrow, please send us a picture of his name written somewhere. Everywhere. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Oh sweet boy. One year ago this is the last full day I ever had to hold you, 

but I worked 10 hours of it. 

And then when I came home, I can't even remember if I held you or not.

I can't remember this day and that kills me. 

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry that I didn't just quit everything for you like I wanted to.

You would have been worth it.

You should have been my priority. 

You should have been more important than my stupid career I clearly was never going to have.

You should have been more important than the people we were trying to help.

You should have been the most important thing, 

and I feel like I failed you.

I can't get you back, 

but I can try everything in my power to keep trying to change the world for you.

I miss you so much.

I love you.

<3