Today is day nine of The Capture Your Grief Photo Project.
Here is the photo I shared and what I wrote:
Day nine: Surrender and Embrace.
After Elijah passed away, I tried to go back to work. I was even blessed to go back to a position I loved in a place that meant a lot to me. I had wonderful management that tried to work with me and were so helpful when I needed time off to breathe, but no matter what I tried going to work made me physically ill. I was fighting a losing battle with my grief and anxiety. I had to leave my dream job. It was too much for me. And after that, it just seemed no matter how hard I fought or how how much I tried to make something of my grief or do something, I just kept drowning and getting further and further in over my head. Finally I had to accept that we just could not do it right now. I could not do it. I could not fight my grief and try and do all the big things I wanted to do with my life. I had to simplify. We had to go home. I needed to breathe. Someone once told me you can't out run grief, but I had to learn it for myself. I don't know if my move home was really a surrender, as much as a pause to catch my breathe and start over. It is a chance to embrace my life for what it is, find my footing, and bit by bit continue to make something beautiful out of it for Elijah.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am at my dad's.
We got here kind of late this afternoon and ate some bbq and then went for a ride in his truck.
Then we came back and Alex and I helped Levi work out some in the front yard.
Now my dad is watching the football game and we are trying to get the kids to quiet down.
Tomorrow is our class for housing, and then we will start looking for a place to live.
I hope it all goes quickly, but I also hope we find a place that works well for us.
I just did a count of invoices, and so far--without much effort-- I have sold 40 something copies of Eli The Crawfish and The Night That The Light Went Out in Natchitoches.
I am so thankful for this because right now it is the only income my family has coming in.
I am also very thankful, because Eli is obviously short for Elijah and it is really a cute little book that I think people will really enjoy <3
If you would like to order a copy, you can by visiting my Facebook page I set up for the book and either commenting on the post, or messaging me how many copies you would like and your email address:
https://www.facebook.com/elithecrawfish/
I will be sending out the first set of orders this week, as soon as paypal releases the funds they have on hold....super aggravating.
But after this first big order, I don't think that paypal will be holding anymore funds and orders should go out quicker.
Anyways, I also found out today that I won't be able to do the big arts and craft fair I wanted to do because they don't have any booth space left...which stinks, but I am going to work on a few other ideas and will be posting more about where I will be selling the book on that facebook page I just posted too.
So yeah...that is that.
I am just trying my best to keep it simple right now and get through the week, and finding a place to live.
We have a couch now and a table, one bed and T.V., but we could probably use some more furniture...so if you are in Natchitoches and thinking of getting rid of any please let me know before you do and I will let you know if I need it.
We really don't have a lot of the basic things for a kitchen or bathroom either...So the first few weeks should be fun.
BUT we will do our best, I guess, to make the best of everything.
I am just ready to have somewhere to put the stuff we do have, and to call ours for a little while.
Soooooo...
Keep praying. Pray for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.
Oh sweet sweet boy.
I may have slowed down a little,
but I have not forgotten my promise.
I am still going to change the world for you.
I love and miss you so very much.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment