Friday, January 6, 2017

484: Incurable Longing

It is 10:10pm.

I just finished "screen shotting" all the acts of kindness we have documented that were done in Elijah's memory that I could find. There are probably more out there too...

It is beyond amazing to see the impact he has made with his little legacy, but it still doesn't make me miss him any less.

There are over 400 pictures, maybe over 500????  But I will have to wait until our internet hits its "bonus data" hours to upload them because if I do it now, it will drain all our data and the satellite internet is already slow enough without that happening.

Anyways, maybe it was this nasty cold weather we are having today, or maybe it was scrolling through all my instagram pictures, but today I am really missing Florida. I am missing the kids' and Levi's gym. I am missing the neighborhoods I used to walk through.  I am missing our hiking trails and I am even missing silly things like the grocery stores and products that I could find there and can't find here.

It is not that I am ungrateful to be here or for all the wonderful things that have happened since we moved back... Florida was just our home for so long and it will always have a piece of my heart.

Anyways. tomorrow I am meeting a lady who called me to day about doing some light housekeeping for her. I don't know how much it will pay, but to be honest anything helps right now. I am in a lull between books, and until I get really going with It Works then little odd and end jobs like this really help. I am so thankful for this opportunity.

I am also extremely thankful to sign a new It Works Loyal Customer today. I have really been working hard and have had a lot of interests, but it just seemed like I was at a standstill. I wasn't ready to quit, but I honestly was feeling pretty down earlier about it, so it was great to finally make something happen. And I am so excited for her too! I really hope that she gets the results she is looking for.

Sometimes things happen not in the time that we want them to, but in the timing we need them to... or something inspirational like that lol.

I just have to keep pushing forward and not give up. I think, for what it is worth, I am doing okay for the position we are in.

I am also super proud of Levi who is doing some amazing things with little to none of the resources he really needs to be successful.

Levi has been working with a local guy here to try and get wrestling classes started so he can start coaching. He is also hopefully going to start some more workouts and possibly spar with the guy too. Our goal is to get him into a fight this year and this guy has some promoters that he talks to. So say some prayers and send good vibes. I know he is capable of so many amazing things and has been working so hard at this.

As for The Love Elijah Project, I am still working on ideas. One thing I am going to try and get done this weekend is probably change the name of this blog to Love Elijah. Just a heads up. In case somehow you search for this blog by "I Am Kind" somewhere...? I don't know.

I am starting small and then will build up to the big decisions.

But you guys, I am so tired. I am going to go take a little nap before I have to wake up again later to upload pictures.

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you. And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.


Hi sweet boy. 
Hi my sunflower.
Hi Elijah.
I think there will always be this incurable longing for something
as long as you are not here.
My heart will alway know that this is not how it is supposed to be,
and my brain will always tell me I need something else or something more.
Even knowing this, even if I can make "sense" of it and rationalize these feelings
it won't stop it. 
Nothing will ever feel right again, I'm afraid, until the day we are reunited again.
I love and miss you so much.
Always.
<3










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