I have accomplished nothing today.
Well, I mean...I went and met with the lady whose house I will be cleaning and I made dinner...but other than that. Nothing.
My body is paying its monthly hormonal dues of not having another baby, and my heart and head are hurting because today is the anniversary of the day we announced our pregnancy with Elijah to the world.
2 years ago it happened, and I was so scared. I was scared because we weren't "in the position" to have another child. Little did I know how briefly that child would be with us and how much more scared I would be now.
Now I wake up scared every single morning weary of death plaguing my family again. I wake up scared of facing another day without the son who should be here. I wake up scared that I might fail at keeping the promises I made to him.
I have found ways to power through it most days and usually do alright. But today I decided to sleep through it. And I am so mad at myself, because there were many things I wanted to get done today.
I guess that just makes tomorrow an even more busy day.
Right now I am just going to go take a hot bath, read more "Kid President's Guide to Being Awesome," and then go back to sleep.
If you want to read the blog I wrote to Elijah 2 years ago today, you can here:
http://i-am-kind.blogspot.com/2015/01/dear-little-one.html
I have read it multiple times today and it breaks my heart. You can see how much I loved him, even without meeting him. I wanted such great things for him.
Please keep praying for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you. And always always pray for my sweet sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
"You are going to be a light in the world that shines for all to see. I don't have to hope for much, because I know that you will be perfect. I just hope you practice kindness and love to all that you meet, and that you never let anyone break your spirit. Life is a gift, and we are lucky to have you--and you are lucky to have us."
Did you know then how much I loved you?
Do you know now?
I love and miss you so much
everyday.
every minute.
every second.
every breath
every heartbeat
every everything.
<3
Hugs!!!!!
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