I keep checking the news because I don't want it to be real.
The lead singer of Linkin Park passed away today. He ended his own life. And I am still in shock.
I know it is weird to grieve someone you don't know, but his voice has been with me for a long time now. His voice has played in our cars, in Levi's dorm room, in every place I can think of for the majority of mine and Levi's relationship.
When you connect so deeply to someone's lyrics. When you listen to their songs over and over to help you through the stress of the day. Honestly when anyone dies this way, it matters.
I am watching a friend I know struggling to keep her daughter alive after numerous suicide attempts.
I have seen way too many people go like this.
And although it is hard to imagine the whys, I can only put myself in their shoes and know that life is really hard sometimes. The grief we carry can weigh us down, and I will not lie. There have been many moments where the thought had crossed my mind--not enough to act on it--but it has.
Admitting that is not for your pity, much like most suicide "victims" aren't looking for pity. They are looking for an escape. They are looking for peace. They are looking for relief.
It is easy to think it is selfish, I suppose. But I believe when you are at that point, you are no longer rational. It is a purely emotional act.
I don't know what I am getting at here. I am by no means justifying suicide. Believe me, you have no idea how much I hate death and all it has stolen from me--I could not wish that on anyone. And I feel for all of Chester's family and friends, and I know they are going to miss him terribly. I guess I am just looking at all of this in empathy, and I hope that Chester is now at peace.
I shared 2 songs that came to mind when I found out. I shared them on my facebook page, but I also want to leave them on this blog.
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can't keep
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do
The reminders, pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need, oh
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do
Well I do
Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Rest in Peace Chester. You are already missed more than you could ever imagine.
Tonight, I ask all of you to send love to all the broken hearts out there. Be a little more kind. Speak a little sweeter. Remember that everyone is fighting some type of battle and life can be heartbreaking.
Oh Elijah.
I wish I could do more.
I wish I could inspire more.
I wish the whole world already knew your story.
I am doing what I can with where I am,
and just know that I love you and haven't given up yet.
Your love will move mountains,
I will make sure of it.
I love and miss you so so much.
Always.
<3
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