679: Send Love

It is 9:18pm.

Today was a pretty good day. So I will start with being thankful for that.

We are staying with Levi for the weekend so he could be a part of Julien's birthday, and also so we could see each other as a family.

Levi had to work today so the kids and I went to the pool during the day and then kind of just hung around until Levi got home from work, and then we went back to the pool. I honestly don't know how Gabe and Jules are still awake!

Alex made a friend last night at the pool and he has been hanging out with him all day, and is sleeping over tonight. I am really happy for him. This kid seems pretty nice. I always pray and hope that Alex picks the right kind of people to invite into his life, because he deserves good people.

I'm still kind of reeling from this whole Chester suicide thing. It is has been on my mind a lot. I am so sad for the loss of Chester, but I also worry about my children as they grow up and face the world. What kind of choices will they make? What kind of demons will they have to fight? How can I better prepare them now for those demons? Can I really?

In some ways my kids are sheltered I suppose, not going to school and all. But in other ways they have experienced so many deep and heavy issues already and are very mature for it. (They have also experienced so many wonderful things and are very joyful for it!)

When I told Alex the other day about Chester committing suicide, I told him that no matter what age he was, or how close or far he was from me, he could call me at any time and let me know he was feeling like he needed to end his life, and I would be there for him. No judgement.

And while this sounds like a grand gesture, I am watching another woman I know (who is an amazing and loving mother) struggle because her daughter is in and out of ICU after several suicide attempts-- even though she knows her parents love her and are there for her. And sadly, the pain she is feeling is a result from sexual abuse. It is a pain so strong that she feels she can not overcome it.

As a parent, there is only so much you can do for your children. They have a mind and a life of their own.

I don't know what I am getting at. I am just flooded with emotions I guess.

Please keep sending love to both Chester's family and friends. I can empathize with the pain they feel right now. It sucks terribly to lose a loved one.

Also please send lots of love to my friend, her daughter, and the rest of their family as they battle through some really scary stuff. My heart is heavy for them.

(Oh no, Julien is throwing up now. Please send him some love and healing thoughts and prayers. He says he feels better now, but go ahead and send them anyway just in case.)

And please continue to be kind, because you never know what is going on in people's lives or in their heads.

I am sending you all lots of love and hugs. May peace live in your hearts and minds. Good night.

Elijah,

I like to think that our little acts of kindness grow into large ripples.

And these ripples are slowly, but surely, changing the world.

Maybe I am in a position where I can't do big acts,

but every act I do is with big love.

It has been on my mind lately a lot.

I just want you to know that I will find a way to do bigger acts 

and help more people.

I haven't quit trying.

I love you so much.

miss you my boogie.

Always.