Today has been an emotional and just crazy day.
I brought the little boys to the pool this morning to get some energy out, and out of nowhere Gabriel started asking me about Elijah being in Heaven and never coming home.
Most of the time when Gabriel talks about Elijah, it is as if Heaven is just like a doctor's office, or a tangible place here on Earth where we can go pick Elijah up. But for some reason today Gabriel connected the fact that Heaven is a far away place and Elijah won't be coming home to us.
Talk about a heartbreaking discovery. Not only for Gabriel--who was super mad that Heaven steals babies, and now he won't get to walk or play with his brother again-- but for me as well.
It was heartbreaking, because Gabriel has always seem to have this magical little connection with Elijah where he would save him things and talk about him coming home. And even though I knew it wasn't real, Gabriel realizing his brother is never coming home only makes it that more real to me.
It is just hard.
It is hard because Elijah is not here. It is hard because Gabriel is growing up. It is hard because things should be much different than they are now. And it is getting to me.
Tomorrow the kids have an appointment with a counselor. I'm partly excited to have the help, but also partly terrified that I am going to be the root of all my kids' problems somehow.
Anyways, send prayers and love, because they are needed.
I love all of you and am always thankful for your support.
Please keep praying for the world. Pray for our country. Pray for our families. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.
Thank you
I love this little picture of you Elijah.
It looks like you are Batbaby, ready for action.
I am so scared of you slipping away a little more.
Gabriel just seemed to be the one connection we had left.
I could swear he would still see you and talk to you sometime.
And now it feels like that is gone too.
We all love and miss you so much.
Always.
<3
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