5AM Dreaming Awake

Oh sweet boy. 

If losing you has taught me anything, 

it is that during tragedies the world keeps on turning.

It keeps going, even when you don't really feel like it should.

Send some love.

I love you and miss you so much.

Always.

<3 

It is 5:19am.

I did a little bit better about waking up this morning, but honestly am still feeling really exhausted. I even went to bed before 9 last night! I think it is all the rain/drama in the world. With hurricanes and missiles over Japan, I believe my head and heart just need a break.

Also, we have our own personal issues to deal with. For instance, I was set to start working on my crowd funding this week for my new book, but now just seems like a horrible time to start sharing. I feel like there are so many people who have just lost their home and all their belongings, so how in the world could I ask for money and support right now? I am really battling with this, because I really can't afford to put my life on hold anymore than I have. I haven't cleaned houses is some time because of my neck/arm pain. Levi is limited to the work he can do because he is in an immense amount of pain due to the knot on his ribs, so we are just a bunch of temporarily "broken" dreamers at this point lol.

BUT, we just found out that Levi's temporary housing might not be an option for him right now, which means I think right now might actually be the BEST time to do a book tour. Because I would have him home for a little while to help with the kids while I go to bookstores and promote. This means I will have to really have to push the accelerator to the floor and go for it--and starting TODAY. Which is tremendously exciting and scary at the same time. I know I have asked for money for different things in the past, but it is always such a gross and scary feeling. So I have to completely change the way I look at things and find a way to believe that this is a great and exciting thing! This means some serious praying and meditating this morning. Send lots of good vibes my way.

Also, please don't worry about us, because I am not. I am actually pretty calm about everything, because God knows we have been through so much worse. And our "problems" are only temporary. We will thrive again soon. I am certain.

Also, I am attempting to cut sugar from my diet. Not all sugar, I can still eat fruit and natural sugars (thank GOD!). But yesterday was my first day I was about 98% successful. I did end up sneaking a pinch or two off some cake I bought the kids. But I did NOT drink any soda, or eat any excess sugar which is HUGE for me.

This morning I woke up ready to eat, and instead of drinking water like I should have, I have already eaten a serving of Skinny Popcorn lol. Oh well, I did read that cutting sugar will make you want to graze all day, you just have to be careful what you eat. Popcorn may not be the best way to start my day, but it certainly isn't the worst--and it is sugar free lol.

Yesterday was also a really bizarre emotional day for me. I had this moment of grief that just slapped me breathless. Like a realization all over again that Elijah would never be back. And some other things. But man, when it sneaks up on you, it sneaks up hard. Grief is so cruel.

I know some of this is because September is only days away, and then it is like a countdown to the day we lost him. It has just been so hard.

Today I have a ton of stuff to do if I am going to start promoting my book, so I need to get to my morning exercises/meditation. (Even though honestly, I really feel like just crawling back in bed.)

Have a great day you guys. Thank you for entertaining my morning rambling. I love you all.

Have a beautiful day! Go change the world.

-Kelly Airhart

Here is our family's latest YouTube Video. Yesterday I revealed another NEW Character for my Eli The Crawfish Children's Book Series: