689: Seriously

It is 10:33pm.

I am shoving Walmart day old clearance cookie cake into my mouth right now, and staying positive.

I am writing a self help book, and my goal is to finish it within a week. Partly because it is keeping my brain from worrying about all the things that I have going in my life right now that could cause stress and worry, and partly because I need a good kick in the butt to turn things around in my life.

It is time for me to take myself serious as a writer, make some money, and change the world. I might fall on my face a few times, but I will never know what I am capable of doing until I try.

I actually have 100% confidence (most of the time) in this little self help book idea and the brand image I can create with it. I just have to get through this week, and follow through.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

So far, it has been 3 days, and I am a little over 1/3 done with the book. Not bad. But I can do better.
My arm and wandering mind are my two biggest deterrents right now.

I would stay up late tonight and push through this, but tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment at 8am and I am hoping to FINALLY have some answers and help for my arm. So send lots and lots and lots of love, because I am ready for some relief!

Thank you always for your continued support! I love all of you guys. For reals.

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for our families. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Oh Elijah.

I remember taking this picture.

I didn't want to let you go then,

and I don't want to let you go now.

We have been listening to a lot of Linkin Park over the last week.

It bizarre that the grief I have for a guy I have never met 

has somehow reopened old wounds, 

and I find myself in the disbelief over losing you all over again.

It is a vicious cycle. I don't know sometimes how we make it through all this,

but we do it. 

I just want to hold you again.

I want to go back and just hold you.

I love and miss you so much.

Tell Chester "hi" for me. 

I can't even begin to imagine how much love has been sent to the heavens in his memory,

but I bet I could match it with the love I send to you.

Make some beautiful music up there guys.

Send us all sorts of love.

Always.

<3