693: Take My Pain Away

It is 11:03pm.

My sleep schedule is all out of whack.

This arm pain mixed with medicine is making me a little crazy. I have been doing a pretty decent job of keeping my spirits up, but I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't bringing me down a bit.

I just feel like I can't do anything for myself right now. I can't work because moving my arm to clean (or do anything else) really agitates it and I end up in way worse pain.

I really shouldn't be typing as much, but I can't sit here doing nothing. My neck is hurting tonight, and I can guarantee you that about 3 or 4 tomorrow morning my arm will be throbbing again.

Last night I ended up taking an extra pain pill because it hurt so bad...but then it made me sleep until noon today. And here I am again at 11:00 (ish) and I still haven't gotten ready for bed.

But the most aggravating part of this, is how many doctor's I have seen and how nonchalant they all are about getting me the help I need. Like it is no big deal that this pain is stealing little pieces of my life away from me.

I have been really "strong" about it, and have kept quite positive, but I have also been reading help forums where people have this type of pain for years before it goes away and that is really kind of scary. And for some of them there is no relief.

I know I should stay away from reading things like this, but when I am up at 3am in terrible pain, I am desperate to find some sort of answer from someone who has figured out how to feel better. So far, all I have seen is more medicine. If you only knew how anti-medicine I am, you would understand how daunting this all is for me.

Anyways, I am waiting on a referral to a physical therapist. I was supposed to get a call about it yesterday--but now I will just have to call Monday.

Just send lots of love, because I really have been as positive as I can about all of this, and I am ready for some healing.

I appreciate all of you who have shown support. Thank you so much. You guys are amazing.

Sending you all my love <3

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for our families. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you

I miss you so much.

This arm pain is nothing compared the pain I have felt losing you.

There is not a second that goes by that I don't wonder what would it be like now if you were here.

Tonight I heard one of our songs on the radio.

I know you have been close lately,

I have seen many signs.

But I still miss you so much.

I love Elijah.

Always. 

<3