Wow. It is not even 7:00am and I have already had an exciting morning. Maybe not the kind of excitement I wanted lol, but thrilling nonetheless.
So I got up at 5:00, which I have been doing for the last several days and I felt this fog hanging over me.
Last night, despite my best intentions to stay calm and peaceful all day, my children decided to test me and they were being quite mean and unapologetic about it. So, I lost my cool. I screamed at them, and made them cry. We eventually all regained our cool, and I got Julien to do some meditations and we told ourselves we both need to do better when it comes to our anger. But even after all the steps I could take to "correct" the situation, I went to bed with negativity buzzing all through me and all around me.
I felt horrible. A friend of mine just lost her husband, and I was heartbroken for her and her daughter. And my feelings that I was a terrible mother were playing tricks on my mind. So I meditated my way to sleep last night, but felt it all still hovering over me this morning.
I think all this negativity caused my mind to play tricks on me. Because this morning I was even more fearful of walking in the early morning darkness than I usually am. There are hardly any street lamps out here and lots of wooded areas. And when I had almost reached the end of the road that leads to the highway, I saw some sort of shadowy figure cross the road. I have no idea what it was, so I made the decision to just go back home, looking back over my shoulder the whole way lol.
I have no idea what the shadow was, it could have been a dog for all I know. But it looked too tall to be a dog. There has also been a lot of talks about break ins around here, so maybe it was someone attempting something and running so I wouldn't see them??? I don't know. But to play it safe, I think I am going to start waiting until the sun comes up to do my morning walks. I will have to alter my routine, but I believe it will all work out for the best.
Anyways, I am about to go and hide all my kids tablets and toys. Not forever, just for the weekend. There has been a lot of complaining about what they don't have lately. And I am probably just as guilty. This weekend they are going to learn what it is like to have the "nothing" they think they have now. Send me (and the boys) lots of love as we try to detach ourselves from the material things this weekend, and learn some true gratitude. I wish I had a tent, and I would take them camping somewhere. That is a really easy way to detach from everything material. Lol. Look at me wishing I had something, while trying to teach my kids to be happy with what they have....goodness.
Alright, enough of my early morning rambles. I have been washing my dad's dishes as a part of my early morning rituals as a way of practicing gratitude, and if I am going to do that and put toys away I need to get moving.
Sending you all my love. Have a beautiful and blessed weekend. Remember to be thankful for the things you do have. And please send huge hugs, and lots of love and prayers to my friend Alida who just lost her husband Chris. Chris was a very sweet guy and I know he is going to be missed. Alida and Chris also have an adorable daughter named Anna, please send her some prayer as well. Thank you.
Also please pray for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for our families. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet sweet Elijah. Thank you.
Oh sweet boy.
Look at how adorable you are.
I miss you so much.
I wish I could have you to hold in my arms forever.
I will dance the dance of life until we meet again.
I love you more.
Always.
<3
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