Today I was reintroduced to muscle relaxers and lol I have been woozy all afternoon...and I am totally exhausted too. Don't worry, they are a really low dosage, but like I said it has been a while since I have taken them because of a mix up with my prescriptions.
I started listening to The Tao of Pooh (the audio book) today while driving to my physical therapy appointment. I am really enjoying and want to share so much with you guys about it, but right now I am kind of out of it. So I will get to it the next blog or so.
I do want to share a special moment that happened today. There was a 3 year old girl at Walgreens who was waiting with her mom to get her prescription filled. She decided to make friends with me and we played for a good 5-10 minutes. I didn't really think much of it, but before I had to leave I noticed that her shirt had hearts all over it, and it made me think of Elijah. It sounds so simple and silly coming out of my head and into typing, but at that moment it seemed like something so deep and profound.... anyways it made me smile. I would have loved to have that play time with Elijah.
Alright, I am spacing out a bit and the kids are being rowdy. It is time to wrap it up.
Please send love to all those affected by the multiple natural disasters happening around the world. Pray for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for our families. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for our sweet Elijah. Thank you.
Today a lady, who meant no harm I'm sure, answered a question I asked on Facebook
stating that I might be experiencing Menopause symptoms.
I am 33 so I responded that I didn't think that was it.
She proceeded to say that it could still be Menopause because the symptoms can go on for a while...
Anyways, this fell really hard on me.
Menopause means no more babies.
And while I have no real plans to have any more children,
the thought of not being able to have any more children also breaks my heart.
It is a bizarre reaction to the loss of Elijah.
Just like having a period at the beginning of my grief journey killed me,
this hurts as well.
I am almost 100% that the symptoms I experienced today have more to do with medicine and my suppressed emotions than menopause, but it did send me into a short worry spell.
It is so hard to imagine a life, right now, where the thought of another baby doesn't scare me.
I see other rainbow parents do it so well and I am so happy for them,
but it still scares me.
On the other hand, my heart breaks that I will probably never have that chance of holding a baby
that is mine again--seeing them grow up with its brothers. Especially since that is what I should be doing now.
Sorry, I meant no harm to the person who said what they said, and I am going to go delete the comment now so that they aren't in any kind of negative spotlight. Like I said, I don't think it was meant to be harmful at all, this is just how my brain works and sometimes I have to say something...
Anyways, Elijah you were on my mind as I left Walgreens today.
The little girl with hearts on her shirt made me think of you
and how we should be playing.
I love you so much my boogie.
Wish you were here.
Always.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment