It is a Saturday night, so like most wild and crazy kids these days I am watching a set of documentaries on world religion and the many different beliefs of God and the afterlife in hopes that it brings some new insight for the novel I am writing.
Party on.
Actually, I am really enjoying it.
I am taking a quick break because Levi (who was kind of watching it with me), needed to pause and give Julien a bath. So I thought I would do some blogging.
I have been wanting to work on this novel so much lately as a kind of "gift" to Elijah, because I feel like in so many ways I am leaving him behind--or not doing enough.
Funny enough, a friend of mine who lives in Japan told me that last night he had a dream about me making a phone call him to talk about The Love Elijah Project. My friend also said he thinks it is a sign from Elijah that perhaps I have been working too hard and need to relax.
I love these little connections.
I think maybe in my relaxation I will find something that will lead me to the perfect addition to my novel.
Today I brought Julien and Alex to a cemetery in town. We were supposed to go to a historical cemetery tour, but naive Kelly thought it would be free and it wasn't lol. So instead we journeyed to another cemetery down the road and did our own little "unguided tour."
There, Julien had lots of questions about ghosts and spirits and Heaven. I was very open with him and told him I would like to believe Elijah is in Heaven and that one day we would all would join him, but that there are many different beliefs about what happens when someone dies.
We spotted many little hearts, and some big hearts while walking around the cemetery, and Julien even commented on how peaceful it felt. He asked if there were any statues of Jesus, and we did find one. I later also found a beautiful statue of Mary.
My thoughts of religion and the need to be "right" have changed a lot since Elijah has passed. I won't go into too much of what I believe, because it is a personal choice and it changes moment to moment, day to day.
The only things you need to know that I believe in are love, peace, and a power that is great enough to let those things exist both around us and in us. And I also believe Elijah and I will be reunited one day, but that he is never too far to show that he loves us.
Anyways, I have an adorable 6 year old sleeping next to me with a dragon laying across his forehead and some ice cream in the freezer that is calling my name.
Sending you all a beautiful and peaceful night. I love you all.
Please continue to pray for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for your country (if it is or is not my country lol). Pray for our families. Pray for our hearts. Pray for our minds. Pray for our souls. Pray for you! Pray for me. And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
Your first doctor's visit.
I remember feeling really uneasy and weird meeting with the doctor.
He was awkward and seemed uneasy too.
As far as I know everything was alright with you.
The only thing brought up was that you had a small head,
but that wasn't supposed to alarm me.
Did the doctor know something I didn't?
I doubt it...
But it still weighs on my mind.
Thank you for all the hearts today.
Even when I believe so strongly that you are near
doubt can sneak in and shake the strongest of faith.
I love you and miss you like crazy.
Always.
<3
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