I am sitting outside enjoying the breeze while waiting for Levi to come home. He went to town with Gabriel while I was taking a nap with Julien.
I feel like a puppy dog waiting for her best friend to come home. I just feel lost when I don't know where he is. He is my support system right now.
Today is Levi's birthday. I wish there were more ways to celebrate than cake and icecream, but I am drained right now. I can only imagine that he is too.
But I am thankful for him more than he will ever know and one day I will make today up to him.
Julien has been sick since last night.
Poor little guy.
Gabriel also decided to give us the scare of a lifetime today by wondering off quietly to the neighbor's yard and not answering as we yelled for him repeatedly. Thank God it was just a scare, but I really thought I had lost another child and my heart was so heavy.
I will always be scared that I will lose another child.
The breeze is really nice this afternoon and Alex has joined me sitting here in the middle of the yard. He is telling me about a tractor him and his mammy got stuck behind earlier when driving.
My anxiety is high right now, and I am just trying to do my best to just breathe and calm down.
It is the quiet moments where it all hits me the hardest.
I just miss him so much.
Levi shouldn't have to spend his birthday this way.
I would give anything for us all to be together to show him how wonderful he is.
Elijah, your dad and I miss you so much. Thank you for the peace you send each day. I wish I could hold you but I know you are here today.
I love you.
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