Elijah your dad and I were just talking about how cute you were. Your dad is particularly proud of your cuteness. I love it.
So many things going on today.
We had a memorial service to attend. It was pretty hard. Not going to lie. We are going to miss you and our new angel for the rest of our lives. Luckily we have been surrounded by family which always makes things better.
There are a lot of good memories of you in the house we are staying at.
My favorite is the night there was a thunderstorm and you and your dad sat on the back porch swing and he let you listen to the rain on the old tin roof.
God, I miss you.
We played in the yard with all the kids this evening and I would catch myself imagining I had you in my lap bouncing and giggling. Do you feel that in heaven? I hope so.
I have to go back to work soon and I am nervous. Nervous about my anxiety. Nervous about seeing babies with their parents and having a potential breakdown. Nervous about not having the time I want to commit to our Love, Elijah project.
There is so so much i want to do in your name.
First the candy drive and po box project.
Next a documentary to release by next October about mothers who have lost their babies. And then someday a museum/memorial garden where I can display all the cards and letters from the p.o. box. But all of that is going to take some serious t-shirt sales....lol.
But nothing is too big of a challenge to stop my love for you. We are going to change this world together. I love you so so much.
I love you. Always stay close. Just like this.
💙
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