Monday, November 9, 2015

it sucks

It is 10:01pm.

My stomach is tied in a million knots and I don't feel very well.

I also got up at 6am this morning to do laundry and I am exhausted.

I am trying desperately to find affordable place to move into my Tuesday. I have reached out to a few places...

Today is just one of those days where I want seem to do anything right.

I just want to curl in a ball and go to sleep hoping that somehow some sort of miracle will fall out of the sky and land in our laps tomorrow.

But I know it won't. That's not how miracles happen...

I just want to go back in time and save him.

That would be a real miracle.

It sucks.

All of this sucks.

It sucks because he is not here.

It sucks that I have to be strong.

It sucks that everyday will be a struggle for the rest of my life until I die and hopefully get to see him again.

It sucks that I am having a bad day.

It sucks that my bad days cause other people to have had days.

It just all sucks so much.


Oh Elijah. Looking at your picture just breaks my heart. I love and miss you so so much. I am so sorry. We will be together one day. 





1 comment:

  1. I'm hoping that you find a beautiful and safe home for your family. You so deserve it. Anything to make life easier for you. It's not fair that you're going through this. Thinking of you stressing over your living situation, all while missing Elijah so much...it's bringing tears to my eyes. I am really hoping that comfort and happiness finds you and your family. The way you are spreading kindness to others in Elijah's name, you will attract good things into your life, I know you will.

    ReplyDelete

1,520 days: Overwhelm.

It is 8:49am. Everyone is still asleep... I have my "happy light" shining into my  peripheral  vision, and my vitamins and medic...