How do you know if you are charging too much? How do you know if you are charging enough? How do you know if the risk is worth it? How do you know if your work will ever pay off? How do you know if you make the move that you won't fail and have to come back home? How do you know that you are good enough to start? How do you know if you will ever be good enough to do this? How do you know how to make people trust you? How do you know if you can trust other people? How do you know if life will ever get better? How do you know if you've made the right choice? How do you know what is divine guidance and what is just your head trying to figure things out? How do you know what your calling is in life? How do you know if you deserve what you have now? How do you know if you deserve less or more? How do you know if everything bad that has happened to you, really did happen for a reason? How do you know that it is not just all one chaotic mess out there? How do you know where to go next with your life? How can you be sure of anything?
The answer is.... no one really has the answers. Only you know you. Only you know your heart. Only you know your mind. Only you know as much as you know about what feels right and what doesn't feel right.
We don't really know what others are thinking or feeling, even as much as we'd like to think we do. We can't orchestrate their lives, we can only play our own.
Take a chance. Make a change. Do something. Quit worrying so much about having the answers to all these questions, because none of them really matter quite so much. What matters most is where you are in this present moment, how you are breathing, and what you choose to do next. The rest will all go the way it goes...and when you get to the next step. Take another breath, be in that moment, and keep going.
Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes people hurt you or piss you off. Sometimes the people we love disappoint us beyond belief. Also, sometimes we are the ones who hurt and disappoint the people we love. No one is perfect. Quit trying to carry that cross.
I don't know what all this came to mind tonight...it just did.
It has been kind of a crappy day. I'm just trying to breathe right now and figure out how to leave the past in the past and live in this moment--and breathe... Sometimes I feel like I have 90 conversations going on in my head at once. Sometimes I feel like the past hovers over me like a little black rain cloud, trying so desperately to steal my sunshine. Sometimes I feel like people like to hover over me, trying to steal my sunshine too. Misery does love company....
Sorry misery, I prefer to dance in the sunshine. Angels, take me back to my sunshine.
Sending you all lots of love and peace.
Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Elijah,
I just want a sign.
I know I just said that none of these questions even really matter.
I know I should just trust myself and go for it.
But please oh please,
could you send me a sign.
Is this worth it or not?
Can I do this?
I love and miss you so much.
Always.
<3
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