Normally at this time, we are busy heading out the door to get to the gym, but this morning there was some rest needed. So we are going to wait...just a little bit and go later.
It's important to rest. It is important to pause. It is important to take notice of what you are feeling in the moment and breathe. I really need to work on all of these.
There is an old Alabama (the band) song that I constantly have stuck in my head. It's "I'm in a hurry and don't know why."
"All I really gotta do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why."
Have you practiced being in the moment today? Like really taking a moment to quiet your mind and either connect yourself, or God? (or whatever resonates for you?)
It can be tough, I'm not saying I have perfected the art. I have been piling projects on top of projects to shield myself from the quiet moments...when all I really need is the quiet moments. This comes from fear. Fear of failing my family. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being stuck. Fear that if I am quiet too long, the grief will creep in and overtake me again < < < the latter probably being my biggest drive.
Because we are human, we are flawed. We are here to learn lessons and to love. Not to just "work hard," to the point we are miserable.
I have been caught up in the future lately. We are hoping to pull off a big move soon. Not because we are ungrateful to be here, or running from anything or anyone, but because we have been presented with some beautiful opportunities that will help our family slow down, be present with each other, and truly follow our passions. I have been getting so caught up in the stress of money the financial cost of making a large move with children and dogs, that I have been forgetting to quiet my mind and ask for favor. Ask for help. Ask for guidance.
I know in my heart it is time to move forward. We came here to rest and grieve. This place served it's purpose. But now it is time to thrive, and I owe it to myself and my family to do this gracefully and with a happy, faithful heart.
I will reveal when and we are moving when I am ready... It isn't today or tomorrow. So no need to rush it.
So, I will make the time today to ask and meditate. I will take the time to be quiet. I will stop this insane need to always be busy, because all it is doing is hurting me and my family.
I don't need anyone to worry for us please. And if you are worried, please keep it to yourselves at this time. We have actually been planning this for quite some time quietly, and the money I have been trying to raise is more of a security than anything. The kids want the dogs to move, and that does require a little bit more money--hence the dog paintings ;)
I have had a calling, I am not insane, I am in tuned. It's funny how we tell people to have faith, but when they do--and it is unwavering, we then want them to question everything and we snark at their ability to go against the norm.
I'm not trying to be self righteous or act better than anyone...I'm not better than anyone. I am not perfect. A lot of what I write is self reflective and for myself. If you benefit from reading, then it is a huge bonus. I am happy to inspire--always.
I truly love you guys. Hope you have a beautiful day.
Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Thank you.
I don't really have any favorite pictures of you.
I love them all,
but this photo has your smile,
and it has the face I remember just a few days before you went to Heaven.
It is close to what you would have been.
Lord only knows what you could have been.
But all I have is now.
We are where we are.
I do my best to honor that by spreading your love,
and missing you in my arms.
I love you so much sweet Elijah
Always.
<3
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